


Consequences

by Roshwen



Category: The Librarians (TV 2014)
Genre: 5 + 1 format, Also the OT3 getting together at the end, Because that's always good, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s02e08 And the Point of Salvation, Ezekiel Jones Remembers, Ezekiel Jones Whump, Fluff, Humor, It's not all drama though, Kissing, Multi, Temporary Character Death, This gets a little dark in places
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-05
Updated: 2017-12-05
Packaged: 2019-02-11 00:34:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12923511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Roshwen/pseuds/Roshwen
Summary: There are some things you can do in a world without consequences. And there is one thing you can't.





	Consequences

**1\. Make mistakes**

The first mistake he makes is thinking he can just solve the keypad by multiple choice. Because once he’s cut all four wires, the alarm _still_ starts blaring and within seconds, the rage people are on to them _again._

He thought he would only have to see the others die four times before it was over. Four times was still four times too many, but he could handle that. If it meant they got out alive eventually, he could handle that.

But now he’s standing in front of the keypad for the fifth time, and he’s stumped. Ezekiel Jones, master thief, is stumped by a simple Glenn-Reeder and there are lives on the line and there are still screams ringing in his ears to warn him against cutting the wrong wire and _what is happening?_

The second mistake he makes is not trusting his team to help him.

Because just as his hands start to shake and he is about to punch Jake in the face because if that bloody cowboy calls him ‘Some master thief’ _one more time_ , Cassandra is standing next to him, talking about frequencies and musical notes and she’s _got it._ She has the answer, rewires the keypad and they’re through.

Or so he thinks. Mistake #3.

He makes a _lot_ of mistakes.

Some big ones (such as taking them all with them the first couple of dozen times he tries to find a way out, or trying to fly solo when he can’t stand to watch them die anymore). Some small ones (he had thought that letting Jake get himself electrocuted would be funny. The stench of scorched flesh made him regret that particular practical joke for the next three loops). And while it’s true that his mistakes have no actual consequences, other than the game resetting and him having to explain what’s going on all over again, every one of them. Every single mistake grates at his carefully constructed self-confidence, his air of awesomeness until he feels raw and bleeding in a way that has nothing to do with the rage people.

The mistakes won’t get them killed, not really. But even if he does manage to get his friends out, the mistakes he makes along the way might still break him nonetheless.

* * *

**2\. Kiss**

The first time he kisses Jake is when Jake is bleeding out in Ezekiel’s arms _again._ A surprise attack from behind when they thought they were alone in the room, one rage person getting a lucky swipe in across Jake’s abdomen while Ezekiel was just a split second too late in hitting it over the head with the wrench.

They are sitting against the wall of the room, with Jake in Ezekiel’s lap so that his head is resting against Ezekiel’s shoulder. Ezekiel’s arms are wrapped around Jake’s chest, with one hand splayed over Jake’s stomach in an instinctive but futile effort to stop the bleeding. Jake’s eyes are closed, his breathing is getting shallower with every second but his hands are still strong, gripping Ezekiel’s shirt until his knuckles are white and Ezekiel can hear the cotton start to rip.

‘It’s okay,’ he keeps muttering, squeezing Jake as tight as he can without causing any more pain, ‘cowboy, it’s okay, I told you. It’s a time loop, you can just let go.’

Jake’s breath hitches on what might have been a sob, might have been a muted groan of pain. The blood seeping through Ezekiel’s fingers is starting to come faster now, and Ezekiel knows it won’t be long until the next reset.

‘Cowboy, look at me,’ he says softly, because he’ll be damned if he doesn’t do this at least once. Jake looks up, with great effort and blue eyes already losing focus.

It’s brief and chaste, a mere brush of lips, but as Jake’s head sinks down again he is smiling, whispering so quietly that Ezekiel barely catches it: ‘Wish you’d done that earlier.’

‘I will,’ Ezekiel says, closing his eyes and resting his forehead against Jake’s hair, pressing another soft kiss to his temple. ‘I promise, next time I will.’

He’s barely said it or Jake slumps against him, suddenly impossibly heavy and it’s time to try again.

When they’re through the door for the next loop, Ezekiel does not waste any time talking, just grabs Jake, pins him against the nearest wall and kisses him hard, with a fire born of desperation. He fully expects to be punched in the throat for this; after all Jake won’t remember what he promised, but Ezekiel doesn’t care. He is so caught up in the feeling of Jake’s warm lips under his, the steady heartbeat under his hands, the fact that they are all still _alive,_ that it doesn’t even register at first how Jake only needs a second before he kisses Ezekiel back. Strong hands dig into Ezekiel’s shoulder blades as he is pulled even closer and the world slowly rights itself again for one glorious moment.

‘Not that I’m complaining,’ Jake says with a slow grin as they finally break apart, ‘but what was that about?’

‘I promised,’ is all Ezekiel says before he turns around to explain what’s going on to a bemused Eve and a Cassandra whose face is as red as her hair.

A few loops later, he kisses Cassandra, right before he is about to enter the Boss Battle. Just like Jake, she responds with great enthusiasm and he thinks _huh._

The loop after that, he plants one on Eve as well, for good measure. ‘I didn’t want you to feel left out,’ he tells her with a grin as Cassandra and Jake collapse in a fit of laughter behind him at the utter shock and horror on their Guardian’s face.

That sound carries him through the next four loops, and Jake and Cassandra’s delighted surprise when he kissed them is what keeps him going for a long time after that.

* * *

**3\. Lie**

‘I’m okay,’ he tells Cassandra when she looks at him with worry in her eyes and asks him if he’s alright.

‘I’m sure,’ he tells Jake when he guides them through a maze of hallways to the next save point, or where Ezekiel hopes the next save point is.

‘I don’t know,’ he tells Eve when she asks him _how many times._ Because he does know: _way too fucking many._

‘If I'd known how much it would have hurt, I probably wouldn't have done it.’ At this point, he would do anything to get them out.

‘We’ll just have to make it through the door. It’s not that difficult.’ It is the most impossible thing he has ever done.

‘It’s going to be fine. We’re gonna be out of here in ten minutes.’ They’ve been stuck in the loop for days now.

‘I promise I can get us out of here.’ He’s never doubted himself more in his entire life.

‘I like the way you look at me when you tell that story.’ It’s not entirely a lie, but it’s not all true either. Because while Eve’s proud look fills him with a warmth that is enough to head into the melee of rage people without hesitation, it also makes him feel impossibly small and more vulnerable than he’s ever allowed himself to be.

* * *

**4\. Tell the truth**

The loop after he kisses Cassandra, he takes her with him again to the final battle. She won’t be any use there, it’s an emotional decision rather than a sensible one, but after that _huh_ moment there is something he needs to know.

As love confessions go, it’s a bit unusual. The background chorus of rage people waiting to tear him apart is one thing, although he is used to tuning that out by now. The fact that Ezekiel has to tell Cassandra that it’s not just her but that Jake might be a factor as well is far, _far_ more frightening.

Cassandra takes it well, though. So well, in fact, that she flings herself at Ezekiel and kisses him so fiercely, they nearly tumble backwards over the railing and into the mob downstairs.

‘I know I won’t remember,’ she whispers after they break apart, her face tucked into the crook of Ezekiel’s neck as he wraps his arms around her and holds her tight. ‘But please promise me you’ll tell me again once we get out of here?’

Ezekiel makes a lot of promises today. But this one, he definitely intends to keep.

He does not tell Jake about this. After that dying kiss and that _thank god you’re still alive_ kiss, the cowboy can wait his turn until they are back in the real world again.

Instead he tells Jake… well. Everything else. From his life growing up in Australia, poorer than a church mouse, to running away from home at the ripe old age of thirteen, to his stint in MI6 three years later. His heists, his adventures all around the globe, but also the crushing loneliness of never really having anything or anyone to call his home. It’s the first time he actually tells somebody that the Library is the best thing that ever happened to him, because if it hadn’t, Ezekiel is not sure he would still be alive.

And yes, he is fully aware of the irony. But when he tells Jake that he would much, _much_ rather go out saving the world than because of a vindictive security guard, Jake looks at him. Drops the wrench he is holding and grabs Ezekiel by the shoulders to pull him into a hug so tight, Ezekiel can barely breathe.

‘I know this case is getting to ya,’ Jake mutters into Ezekiel’s hair, his accent thick the way it gets when he gets emotional, ‘and I know you’re a first class drama queen, but. _No. Dying.’_

‘Not today,’ Ezekiel mutters back, a reference that flies straight over Jake’s head. Doesn’t matter. When Jake releases him after a long minute, Ezekiel feels like he can breathe freely again for the first time since this whole mess started.

It’s one of the last loops when his resolve is starting to splinter. When he tells Eve that he is _not_ brave, he is _nothing_ like those soldiers in those pontoons she keeps yammering on about, that instead he is terrified and desperate and he wants to do nothing more than crawl into a corner and give up because he _can’t do this_.

It’s his first panic attack and thank God Eve is there to help him through it. She helps him sit down, breathes with him until everything swims back into focus and then looks at him with that look that makes him want to cry.

‘How many times?’ she asks softly.

Ezekiel shrugs, swallows before he says: ‘Hundreds? I don’t know.’

‘And how many panic attacks?’

‘First one, actually.’

‘Ezekiel.’

And the way she says his name _does_ make him cry, makes him clutch at Eve and let everything out in high, keening wails of despair and frustration. She holds him through that as well, strokes his back and whispers comforting nonsense until his breathing evens out and everything goes quiet yet again.

A moment later, he pulls back so he can look at her with a bashful smile. ‘God, I’m glad you won’t remember this.’

And that’s also very, very true.

* * *

**5\. Die**

The first time he dies, it barely registers. One moment, he is running through a hallway after the others, running for safety because the rage people are after them, groaning and roaring and they need to _get out._

The next moment he is on the floor and he barely sees Jake turn around, his face slack with shock, barely hears Cassandra start to scream his name before everything goes dark. Before he stumbles through the door into the tenth loop. Or it might be the fifteenth. The whole case is already becoming a bit of a blur, but at least this time it was him. This time, he did not have to watch helplessly how the light behind Jake’s brilliant blue eyes went out, or how Cassandra tried to be brave, tried not to cry out as warm red drenched her yellow sweater.

How Eve, Guardian of Guardians throws herself in front of them with a cry like a fury. Only to get ripped to pieces moments later.

Yeah, Ezekiel prefers it when it’s him.

Even when a couple of loops later, another rage person manages to dig its nails into Ezekiel’s side and that _hurts._ His side burns like it’s on fire, while the rest of his body suddenly feels ice cold. His knees buckle and he lands on the floor with a dull _thunk,_ but that does not register between the wet and white-hot agony beneath his ribs.

It takes him longer, this time. Impossibly long, even. Every intake of breath seems to take at least an hour, and every exhale maybe two. And while he knows, rationally knows that it’s okay, that he just has to let go and then he’ll be good as new, apparently his body has not gotten that memo yet. When the first spots of darkness start creeping in at the edges of his vision, he wants to relax, to give in. At the same time, a sharp fear spikes through him, a _no, no I don’t want to, please I don’t want to die_ that comes from somewhere deep inside the recesses of his lizard brain.

He might be crying. He doesn’t know. Doesn’t know anything anymore until the lights come back on and he’s back at the save point where Cassandra tells them that this isn’t the Annex.

That time, he was alone. But he dies a _lot,_ even though not nearly as often as the others. And while his lizard brain starts screaming at him every single time, it’s a lot easier to ignore when someone else is with him.

For instance, when Jake wraps him up in strong arms so Ezekiel can let his head rest against a broad, solid chest, Jake’s warmth the only thing that keeps the cold at bay for just a little longer. Then the lizard brain falls quiet. So quiet even that he can hear Jake tell him that it’s okay, he’s got Ezekiel now, it’s okay and _you had better be right about this time loop thing because I am not fucking losing you to fucking rage people._

Or when Cassandra drops to her knees beside him to grab his hand and hold on tight. When she tells him, voice trembling and tears running down her cheeks that she loves him, that she _trusts_ him. That she knows he’s right about the time loop because she’s done the math but _please, please be right_. Sometimes, he has enough energy to reassure her, after which she invariably bends down, kisses his cheek and tells him: ‘See you in a little bit, then.’

Sometimes he hasn’t, and all he can do is squeeze her hand. It’s still better than nothing.

Better than dying alone.

Better than not dying and watching them die instead.

* * *

**+1. Forget**

There are many things you can do in a world where there’s no consequences. But one thing you can’t do, is forget it ever happened.

Even if Ezekiel tries to let them all believe he doesn’t remember a thing. Not until he’s got himself sorted out at least a little bit. Until he knows what he can tell them before flying off into a raging panic attack.

Or until he can talk about it without crying. Whichever comes first.

He does tell Eve after only a couple of days. She is their Guardian and responsible for the safety of the entire team: she has a right to know what mental state he’s in. Because now that Ezekiel has finally, _fucking finally_ gotten them all out alive, he is not about to get one of them killed again because he decided to break down at the crucial moment during a case.

It’s a difficult, long and painful conversation. But when it’s done, Eve’s eyes are soft and her smile is gentle as she thanks him for trusting her like that and makes him promise to tell her if he needs anything.

‘You don’t happen to know any therapists who specialize in crazy magical video games, do you?’ Ezekiel asks, only half joking.

Eve shakes her head. ‘Nope. But maybe Jenkins wants to give it a try?’

When Ezekiel laughs and tells her he’d rather do the whole fucking time loop all over again, he can’t help but feeling a couple of stones lighter already.

Speaking of Stones…

He promised Cassandra. He promised Jake as well. And so, about a week after the conversation with Eve, he asks them to stay behind at the Annex after Eve and Jenkins have gone home (or wherever it is Jenkins goes at night).

And rage people, magical video games and dying be damned: telling Jake and Cassandra the truth, that he loves them both, _wants_ them both is by far the scariest thing he has ever done. Because here, in the real world, there are no do-overs. No resets. If he gets it wrong this time, Cassandra will slap him and Jake will punch him and he will lose them.

But they don’t. They don’t slap and they don’t punch. Instead it takes only a long moment of silence, during which Jake and Cassandra exchange a look that is an entire conversation in itself, before Ezekiel has a cowboy art historian in one arm and a mathemagical whirlwind in the other.

The night only gets better from there.

‘Gotta hand it to ya, Jones,’ Jake tells him the next morning, quietly because Cassandra is still fast asleep in between the two of them. ‘You got more guts than I do. Not sure if I would’ve come forward like that, but I’m damn glad you did.’

Ezekiel does not tell them about the try-outs and the trial runs. Instead he laces his fingers through Jake’s, rests their hands on Cassandra’s side and tries not to laugh at the fact that she’s drooling a little into Jake’s chest.

He doesn’t tell them he remembers. He doesn’t think Eve told them either (he didn’t ask her to keep it a secret, but she’s also not the person to tattle), but it doesn’t matter.

Because one night he wakes up, crying out and covered in a sheen of cold sweat. Before he can sneak out of the bed to head to the bathroom, so that he won’t disturb the others when he’s coming down, Cassandra switches on the light and Jake reaches out and pulls him back down with a firm but gentle hand.

‘You think we’re idiots, Jones?’ he says, voice rough with sleep but blue eyes looking at Ezekiel with a warmth that chases away the chill of Ezekiel’s memories in an instant.

Ezekiel doesn’t reply. Just turns and crawls into Jake’s arms where he lies still for a moment, barely breathing because if he does, he is sure to explode. Jake is quiet as well, holding Ezekiel as tight as he can and letting the fierce kisses he plants into Ezekiel’s hair speak for themselves.

When he has his breath back and he’s finally stopped trembling, Ezekiel briefly wonders where Cassandra has gotten to, because she slipped out of bed and disappeared the moment Ezekiel started clutching at Jake like a limpet.

He hasn’t thought it or she enters the bedroom again, carrying a tray with three mugs, each topped with at least three inches of whipped cream. ‘I don’t know if it’ll help,’ she says with a soft smile as she puts the tray down on the nightstand and slips under the covers again, ‘but I always used to make chocolate milk if the nights got really bad.’

It’s a good thing the mugs are safe on the nightstand, because she hasn’t said it or Ezekiel has wrapped her up in a bear hug of epic proportions, making her squeak in surprise before her arms wrap tight around him as well.

Ezekiel will never forget that fucking time loop. But while he’s alone in remembering it, he is not _alone._ And that makes all the difference.


End file.
